A few rules that have served me well.
  1. Users lie.
  2. See rule 1.
  3. Beware the programmer carrying a screwdriver.
  4. Remember pillage then burn.
  5. It's not overengineered, it's German.
  6. Being an adult means no one can tell you that you can't have ice cream for breakfast.
  7. The only thing that will bring a tear to your eye faster than a good piper is a bad one.
  8. Less is More.
  9. Don't break Debian.
  10. Always carry a knife.
  11. Overspecialization breeds in weakness, it's slow death.
  12. To err is human, but it requires the root password to really fuck up>
  13. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
  14. When all else fails, read the instructions.
  15. Nothing worthwhile was ever finished on time or under budget.
  16. Trouble shooting 101 hit it with a hammer; if that doesn't fix it, it's an electrical problem.
  17. Heavy is good, heavy is reliable, if it doesn't work you can alway hit them with it.
  18. Don't ever fall in love, it's the devil's own invention.